Four quick tips on better interactions

Every now and again common themes keep cropping up in my conversations. Across sectors. From international sports coaches through to global leaders. Over the last month it’s been around communication and interactions, and I have found myself sharing and discussing four top tips on a repeated basis. What are these?

Assumptions

As a trainee lawyer one of the first things I was taught was that Assuming things make an Ass out of U and Me. As I have progressed through my career, I have realised that this isn’t just about making assumptions around facts or circumstances, it’s also about making assumptions on people’s intentions. Conversations and interactions can go wildly off course when you make assumptions that are not in fact the reality.

This is something which I have to continually work at, and I find that if I take the time to ask myself these questions it really helps:

·       What do I actually know?

·       What is it that I just believe?

·       What are my biases?

·       What are my blind spots?

·       Have I actually thought about what it might look like from their shoes?

·       And have I actually asked?!

And of course, the forum or method through which you are interacting and communicating is key. Which brings me on to tip number two…

Chats v Conversations

As we all move back towards a more ‘in person’ world, we are remembering the benefits of proper conversations. Because there is a difference, is there not, between a chat (which more and more we do via our smart phones) and an actual conversation. And we know that we get so much more out of a proper conversation. So before you reply to someone via your smartphone, just ask yourself the question: would it be better if I picked up the phone and/or met in person?

Discovering the reason behind the question

Understanding why someone has asked a question can have a significant impact on the outcome of your response. Imagine if someone asks me if I like the colour blue. If I don’t, I could just say no. But if I take the time to ask them the reason behind the question, and discover that it’s because they have bought me a blue jumper, I might change my answer slightly. In the world of work, the lack of understanding as to what lies behind a question can have a significant negative effect, usually centred around not answering the question in a way that addresses their actual concern. My tip – when someone asks you a question, ask them why they have asked it before you give your response. If you are uncomfortable with such a direct approach, perhaps ask them to give a bit more context so that you can make sure you direct your answer in the right way.

The meaning of the message is in the response you get

This phrase comes from Dave Alred, coach and mentor to a huge number of world class athletes. I love it as it reminds us that what we think we are saying is not necessarily what is being heard. How can we tell what is being heard? By seeing the response we get. If I think I have asked a group of people to stand up, and they remain sitting down, I clearly haven’t given them the right message. If I ask my employees to give me some honest feedback, and the feedback is clearly not honest, I have not given the message in the right way. Look to the response. That’s what tells you the message that has been heard.

For more on this or any aspect of leadership, with a healthy dose of mindset, sport, and I hope usefulness thrown in, do feel free to browse through all the articles in the Huddle, or get in touch with me directly on catherine@sportandbeyond.co.uk.